It's Mother's Day....for a few more hours at least. I've been trying to decide all day whether to post today or not. I could write about how infertility - even of the secondary variety - makes Mother's Day a hard day. Or maybe about how it feels to celebrate a holiday with only half of my children. I could write about the pain of that or about how thankful I am to have two living children to celebrate with. I could write to those of you with lots of kids reminding you how blessed you are. I could tell a funny story about how Jon was going to make dinner tonight, but my indecision about the menu led to a miscommunication and we ate leftovers for dinner. I could write about how Meredith asked me to help her write spell the words for my homemade card (complete with a drawing of me making her a sandwich).
I could write about any of those things. But I won't. There are others who have already written about infertility and/or miscarriage in relation to Mother's Day far more eloquently than I could ever hope to. Same goes for the posts about how fortunate we all are to have been blessed with the gift of children - whether we have 1 or 20. The funny stories aren't long enough to make a whole post out of them - and they are probably only funny to me anyway. And to be honest, Mother's Day has never been one of those holidays that I get excited about. I tend to shy away from the "Hallmark holidays" and all the consumerism and hype that go with them.
I do have a few thoughts I want to share about an often ignored group of women. On this day, we we remember our mothers. We remember the moms that are here with us, the moms we've lost, the single moms who've raised their children on their own, the moms who have lost their children, and the women who long to be mothers. One group of women that isn't often included is the women who have chosen, for a wide variety of reasons, to abort their child.
Until nine days ago, I would never have thought to include them in my prayers on Mother's Day. Throughout these years of infertility, I have unfortunately, developed a bitterness toward the women who are blessed with the opportunity to have a child and throw it away. Then I talked to a nurse who was warning me not to pretend my baby didn't exist. She told me how much harder it was for her to grieve her baby when she chose to do this with one of her miscarriages. Then she said, "This must be how women who've had abortions feel. They have to pretend that their baby never existed. No wonder so many of them suffer from depression and/or substance abuse."
Even in my grief, that statement hit me hard. I can grieve my babies. I can talk to my husband about them. I can tell my children that God gave us two babies and then took them to Heaven. I have family members who support me through my grief. I can blog about my experiences and complete strangers can empathize. What about the women who aborted their babies? Who do they turn to for support? How do they get through days like today when everyone is celebrating mothers and they are trying to come to terms with what they've done to their child?
I ask you include these women in your prayers today and everyday. It's easy for me to feel bitter toward women who have aborted their baby, but the truth is, I don't know what factors led them to that decision and I don't know what agony each of those women may be suffering as a result of that decision. I do know that I can pray for them. Please join me in praying for all mothers burdened with the weight of grieving for an aborted baby. They need and deserve our prayers just as much as all of the other mothers we've honored and prayed for today.
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